31 December 2020

Yuletide R&R

The most popular Yuletide post from 2019.

Compiled from various sources.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, no minors."
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a "bar."
Bartender asks a woman what she wants. “An entendre,” she says. “Make it a double.” So he gives it to her.
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A rabbi, a priest, and a cliché walk into a bar.
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out - we don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the bartender asks. The Roman replies "Easy! I'll let you know when I want more."
Two atoms walk into a bar. One says to the other, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
A spoonerism walks into a bar and asks where to find a shitted feet.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church and the priest says "thank god you made it, we can't have mass without you."
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
An alliteration traipsed into a tavern, where it tangled tempestuously with an insistent, illiterate intern.
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks if he'd like food with that. The black hole says 'No thanks, I'm a light eater'.
A typo wakled into a bar.
Voice recognition walks into a bar. You think he wood of scene it write in front of him.


Anonymous said...

Oh that's good! Cheers, BT

Sophronia said...

Very amusing. Unfortunately, I cannot think of many people who would understand the humour today. The young don't seem to need to know any grammar and those that do are departing this world. I've saved this one and will send it along to my remaining colleagues who I am sure will enjoy it. Have a great 2021.